Guess What??? We won!!!

We got the court papers in the mail today. We won, he gets services. I am so excited. More to follow....

Sometimes ths more you know....

We got some genetic testing done on Josh about a month ago on the request of his neurologist. You see we are going to see a genetic doctor in San Diego on the 27Th. Well I go the results today and they confirmed that his parents are biologically related. We already knew that but because of this there is a chromosome abnormality which causes all of Josh's problems. Now that does not even account for the fact that he was exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero, or that he was born to early. It does not even bring into account that he was abused, neglected and moved to 6 different homes all before he was 2. All of this just means that he is a mess and that only God can heal him. I know now more than ever that God has brought him to us for reason. Some days are harder than others. Like now he has so much anxiety that he does not sleep and when he does he is back in our bed. The neurologist is also putting him on yet another medication for anxiety. It is Zoloft which scares me whenever he starts a new med. Could everyone please pray that it all goes well. I will keep you posted with more new info.

Ok so here it is....

We went to the fair hearing at Regional center yesterday. I have to admit that I did not want to go. I figured that we were just going to lose but I went ahead and went. I am so glad that I did. We hired the neuropshyc that did Josh's evals this past summer. That was worth every penny let me tell you. We walk into the conference room. We sit on one side of the table, the regional center at the other end of the table with the judge sitting at the end. Of course the Regional center goes first and tells why they think we do not qualify for services. They argue that according to the test they administered his IQ was way to high and that disqualifies him. After they had a chance to speak, we got our opportunity to ask questions as well as plead our case. (I did not realize I needed a law degree to be a mom but I had to be a very quick learner). I asked the idiot therapist, oops I digress, from the regional center. Why he administered that particular IQ test even though it was not supposed to be given to a child under 6. He did not have a good answer. I also asked him why he applauded every time Joshua got a right answer but when he got a wrong answer he said nothing. He again denied that and said basically I was lying. After those questions, then it was our turn. First I testified and laid the ground work for Dr. Hennings. We took a small break then came back. Then it was Dr. Hennings turn. She first stated her back ground, schooling and degrees. I had no idea she was so well educated. LOL!!! I guess you would have to be to be a neuro pshyc. Anyways, she started tearing a huge whole through all the testing of the regional center as well as defending her reports. She then continued speaking for over an hour on why Joshua qualified for Regional center services. I was very impressed. After that, it was time for closing arguments. The judge asked the regional center lady if she had any closing arguments, the lady closed her binder and said" we have nothing else to say". Then he turned to me and said do you have any closing arguments and I said " yes I do" and began to just re-emphasize what Dr.Hennings just said. I think I saw the judge smile when that happened. Well we won't know anything for 2 weeks so I will let you know as soon as we know. I just know it is all in God's hands and God surly was speaking through me there because it definitely wasn't me.

Regional center sucks!!!

I know I have not updated this for a while but I have been really busy. We have finally arrived at fighting the regional center for services for Josh. We go to fare hearing on December 13. For those of you that don't know what regional center is, or does I will tell you. They give services such as respite care, in home support service waivers, ot, pt, job training for disabled people as well as self care. Now it is not so much that we need these services right now, other than maybe respite care, but it will be very helpful when Josh gets older for job training and such. The regional center is saying that Josh does not qualify because he is to high functioning. Even though we have therapist, teachers, and reports that state otherwise. It is very frustrating. We have already gone to mediation and Josh has been retested by them. Our next step is fair hearing. I know we have a slim chance of winning but we have to try. On top of all of this Josh is having a real hard time right now with his reactive attachment. He cries so much when I leave he makes himself throw up. Even when I leave him at school he cries, he won't eat. Sleeping is hard for him right now, he wakes up several times a night and wants to come to bed with me. He is also starting with his extreme aggression again. I know God has a plan but sometimes it is hard to hold onto his promises when you are going through this. Oh well that is all for now. I will update after the fair hearing and let you know if we won or lost. I just pray for God's will to be done.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I am so frustrated. Josh had two teeth pulled last week. As you can see from my previous blog, he was exposed to nitrous oxide during the procedure. I later found out that kids with special needs and on certain meds should not have this as it can have bad results. Well here we are a week later, still suffering from the consequences of our actions. Josh has not eaten but a few bites in the last week. He has had severe anxiety and panic attacks. We started this mess on Wed July 14th. He went to summer school and came home and fell asleep. Then he was very agitated when he woke up. He then ate a Popsicle and then threw up. Thursday we went to therapy, he was very agitated and freaked out when we left and drove home. This happens sometime so I did not think much of it at the time. Thursday night he still did not eat anything, sucked down his bottle and threw up again. Friday was awful, he was so anxious I could not leave the room he was in. Friday night was the worst, he started hallucinating and was freaking out and very violent and strong. He finally fell asleep after 3 hours of us holding him. He was up and down all night telling us that his tummy hurt and was very anxious. Saturday and Sunday he slept all day. He would not eat anything. Monday we took him to the hospital at Loma Linda. We spent 6 hours there. They did nothing, all they did was start an IV and give him a load of Depakote. His tummy is till hurting, he is still not eating, he is still anxious. We can't get anyone to help us. I really don't know what to do at this point. To top everything else off, we have a very serious IEP at the school district tomorrow. I need a vacation.

A new adventure

Josh had 2 teeth pulled today. This was his first trip to the dentist. He was a little traumatized. The xrays went great he opened his mouth and was very proud of getting pictures of his teeth. Then we waited and waited. We were called back the dentist examined him and said that we should probably "help" his teeth out of his mouth because he already has permanent teeth coming up behind them. We then waited some more of course. Then back into another room where they put a mask over his nose. HE began to giggle, for it was laughing gas. I though oh this won't be so bad. OK so I was wrong, really wrong!!! The dentist numbed his teeth with gel and began to shoot his gums with a needle. He began to freak out of course. It took 3 of us to hold him down. He was crying for me. IT was all I could do not to grab him and run out and say forget it. I know it was in his best interest to pull the teeth out but it just broke my heart that he cried so. Well we are home now with a window in our mouth and waiting for the tooth fairy to arrive tonight.

I just don't know how to feel...

We got the Independent Expert Evaluations back that we asked for through the school district. Keep in mind that I asked for these back in March and they were finally approved in May and completed last week. It was exhausting to have Josh go through these evals. but very important. We found out some pretty shocking info on him. Somethings I knew some I suspected but was very sad to see in black and white. He has Auditory processing disorder ( i knew that but the school district was fighting me on), Sensory processing disorder (which I suspected but was not shocked to find out), and that on top of being bipolar and all the other things, they found him to be borderline mentally retarded. With a IQ score of only 72. That was the part that was a Little shocking. I mean I knew that he was behind and developmentally delayed but borderline Mentally retarded. I was just not prepared for that. When I went to therapy last Thursday, Jaimee Josh's therapist said" I want to discuss the outcome of his neuropshyc eval." I was excited to find out the results. Then she broke the news to me. I could hear her say the words but I could not process them. She asked me " are you alright I know this is a lot to process". I said sure I am and played it off like I suspected this all along. The truth is that it knocked me over. I felt like I hit a brick wall going a hundred miles per hour. I still am having a hard time processing it. I mean it makes sense but how am I going to help him in this world. I know that this is still my sweet little guy that I have always known. He didn't change just because he got yet another label but somehow things where different. I was different. I just don't know how to digest all of this. To top off everything else we think his meds need to be adjusted again and we don't see his new neurologist until August. I hope this is the right doctor. I am running out of patience and options.

What in the world?????

This has been a world wind adventure to say the least. We saw the new psychiatrist in Temecula. He was very interesting. To make things short, let's just say we did not like him. I was entertaining the idea of just keeping him for medication purposes but God intervened and we got a phone call to say that this particular pshyc is longer accepting our insurance. coincidence? I think not. We are now going to see a neurologist at Loma Linda in August. I will let you all know how that goes. We have also been going through our independent expert evaluations for the school district. We have already completed the OT portion, we will finish the speech tomorrow and the neuro pshyc on Friday. I will be very interested to see what they have to say. Well Children call so I will update more later.

Today I choose...

Today is Josh's 5th birthday. Yes we did go to therapy today. Yes we did have several melt downs today. I however, choose to celebrate today and not think of what problems there are now or what lies ahead. I choose to celebrate the fact that he is alive, we are his parents and I am blessed enough to have him in my life. For today I choose to just love on him and treat him as special as he is. I love him with all my heart. Today I choose love.

Some days I wonder...

Some days I wonder why I can't get through to Josh or if I ever will. He has had a really tough couple of weeks. This past weekend was especially hard. His anxiety has reached new heights of frustration for our family. He starts out early in the morning about 7 crying and saying " my tummy hurts I want daddy". Then precedes to cry with this statement on and off all day long. He goes between this and screaming at me over and over again hour after hour. It makes me feel like a failure as a mom and very stressed that I can not help him. I try everything from cuddling him to yelling at him. Nothing works. It is not that his tummy really hurts, this is how his anxiety manifests itself. It is extremely frustrating not to be able to help him. We are trying to get into a new psychiatrist which is going very slow. I hope we can get an appointment soon I think we need to adjust his meds. I know God has a plan in all of this, I just wish I knew what it was.

Sometimes being a mom is good, sometimes not so good!!!

Being a mom of 4 is really fun some days. Some days not so much. Today is one of those days. Josh had a hard morning, then I dropped him off at school. I decided to take Hailee to the library only to find out it was closed. She was not a happy camper and decided that I needed a nine year old attitude problem the rest of the day. Things were going well this afternoon until my oldest came home and thought it was a good idea to fight and argue with her sister about who put what on the floor of their room. Does it really matter people??? Just clean up the room and no one gets hurt. I mean seriously does it really matter??? Then when I picked up Josh from school two firetrucks were in the parking lot. I initially thought they might be there for the kids to see but then quickly realized that they were there for a fire. Yes a fire. Now it did not affect Josh at all other than their whole class had to be outside all day. It was a small fire but it got me thinking. How can I protect him if I am not there with him. Now I know this is crazy thinking after all I can't always be with him 24/7. Do I really want to send him to school? That is the question I ask myself everyday. I guess I will never know. To update you all on his therapy situation, we have a new therapist. She seems to be very knowledgeable in kids that have been adopted through the county. We have only been to her once together and Josh really seemed to like her. We are still going to Jaime every other week right now. As far as the school district stuff well I have not heard anything yet. I will let you know as soon as I hear something.

Changes...

We finally found a new therapist that will see us using Josh's Medical. I didn't want to have to use his medical for this but we are out of options. Our first appointment is tomorrow. I get to see them first by myself to discuss all of his problems and to get an accurate picture of who Josh is. I hope and pray that this will be the path that God wants us to go down now. They seem to be very knowledgeable with county kids. I also have another friend that takes her son there and really likes it. On another note, I have officially asked the school district to do an Independent expert evaluation. This means that the school district now has to send Josh to 3 different specialist to get an accurate diagnosis, and they have to pay for it. I really was not looking forward to asking for this but they have been fighting me every step of the way so now they have to do what is right. I hope this will happen soon before he is placed with his kindergarten teacher. I will keep all of you posted on what happens next on these two fronts.

Are you kidding me ????

Having a child with special needs is very taxing on your emotions, finances, friendships and marriages. Right now our marriage is great and having Josh has taught us to cling to each other for dear life because, well safety in numbers . Emotionally every day brings new challenges, some days I do well and others well lets just say that chocolate is my drug of choice. LOL!! Finances well this is what I am talking about now. Financially we are struggling as well as everyone else on the planet is right now. However, there are things that Josh needs like therapy, medication and school that is not free or cheap. He has an amazing therapist that just has worked wonders with him, however now we have come to the end of our insurance benefits. You see most insurances only cover 30 visits a year for mental health conditions. We have used up all our benefits for this year. Of course there is a little law that is called the mental health parody act that came into effect as of January 1st this year but my insurance company wants to fight us on it and tell us that it is not covered until our next service year that starts in September. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I am so tired of this can't they just realize that I have a son that has a serious mental health problem and that it is already very difficult to find someone that will even treat him because he is so young. I found the perfect person to work with him but they longer cover it and I can't afford to go until September. This makes me so sad and mad at the same time. This brings me to his medications, now we have to find a doctor that will treat him and follow him on his meds. This however, can not be a psychiatric doctor because we don't have any more benefits for that. Calgon take me away!!! Alright enough with the rants and raving time to go to church. I know God has a plan in all of this.

Here we go again...

I went to a follow up at Joshua's behavioral pediatrician a couple of weeks ago. She was disagreeing with his therapist as to what his diagnosis is. She still feels very adamant that his primary diagnosis is Autism. However, his therapist as well as the regional center and his school all feel like his primary diagnosis is bipolar. We all feel that he is on the autism spectrum but that bipolar is his primary diagnosis. For this reason she dropped us as patients. She said she did not feel comfortable any longer treating us. I was thinking as the doctor was talking " I don't feel comfortable coming here any longer so good we both agree". The facts don't change just because she wants them to change. I want someone treating us that agrees to the facts of the case. I am not a mom that wants change her child's diagnosis just because I don't feel like my son has autism. I would agree with it if that was his primary diagnosis. I know that he is on the spectrum, he has bipolar and other issues. I live with this fact everyday. It just really bothers me that a parent can't question a doctor about her child without feeling like you will lose that doctors trust and respect. That just isn't right. Shouldn't we be questioning everything to do with our child. When you don't ask questions it is wrong because doctors will assume they can do whatever they want to your child and you will be a willing participant. To make a very long story even longer, now we are back to the drawing board with respect to Josh. We now have to find a psychiatrist or neurologist that will follow Josh's care and medications. This really scares me because we have been through so many. Some doctors want to put him on stimulants again, which will send him into a mental break down. Some want to try other new meds with interact with the meds he is already on. Still some will agree with his current course of treatment but then not see him because he is not 5 yet. This is all maddening and I have to do it all again. We have an appointment today with a psychiatrist, I will let you know how it goes and keep you all posted. Until then, keep praying.

In a foreign land..

Today was the day that I registered Josh for kindergarten. Now this might not seem like such a big idea to you but I home school my other kids. The idea of sending one of my kids to a public school was never something that I thought I would do. However, when we decided to send Josh to the public preschool program I got a little more comfortable with the idea. It still was very strange to be standing in line today with all the other parents waiting to register their children for school. As the lady behind the counter handed me the paper work to fill out something inside of me just broke. I felt my heart break and a feeling of failure over whelmed me. Now I am not by any means saying that sending ones child to school is in some way saying that the parent is a failure. I am just saying this is how I felt. I have always known that God has meant for me to school my children at home. This whole thing has just been very hard for me. The reason why we are sending him to school is a little complicated. To put it simply for the health and well being of all of our children he needs to be educated some place else. We go next week for his IEP kinder transition meeting at which point we will discuss what will be the best placement for him next year. I will keep all of you posted.

Calgon Take me away...

The last couple of weeks have been really hard. Josh has been very anxious and panicky. He goes between this and being very violent and angry. Sometimes I just wish I could fix it. The problem that makes him so upset. The problem is I don't know what the problem is. Somewhere in his little brain he has a problem, an imbalance. I can;t fix that. I can pray which I do every day for wisdom. His therapist wants us to wean him off all dairy, red food die and yellow food die. This is to maybe hellp with some behaviors. I will try anything at this point before new medications are introduced. We have already tried so many. The side effects from new meds can be very hard and quiet devastating. I really hope this works because I am not sure what to do next. We have a follow up appointment at the behavioral Peditrician at UCI next month so hopefully we will see some improvement by then. If we don't then we might need to try a new med. YUCK!!! Josh also can be very loving and sweet so I don't want people to think that he is always this way. Just a lot of the time. I love him with all my heart and I would not trade being his mom for anything in the world.

Sometimes it's just sad...

I know dealing with Josh on a daily basis can be exhausting, maddening and overwhelming. However sometimes it is just sad. Mike was faxed a copy of a letter from Josh's therapist office. This letter is to appeal to our insurance company to get more services for Josh. I know he is bipolar but somehow seeing it in writing mad it very real. The words "serious mental health condition" just stopped me cold in my tracks. I am not sure why that was. I mean I deal with him every day, I know what he is like. I know that he doesn't eat before 11.00 in the morning after his meds kick in. I know he likes to watch sponge bob or Tom and Jerry in the morning. I know that anything any given day can and will set him off. I guess I just keep hoping beyond all hope that he will get better. That he will stop screaming and hitting me and his siblings on a daily basis. Hope that he will learn that when I go to the next room I have not disappeared. Hope that he will someday grow up become a husband and father and that we can sit and laugh about all of this. Sometimes it is just all to sad to think about.

So then it was Saturday...

On Saturday it started like any other day. I got to sleep in for a while thanks to my wonderful husband. Then it was off for a busy day of grocery shopping and meetings with friends. Josh stayed at home with daddy because lets face it, it is nearly impossible to get any kind of shopping done with Josh is tow. Josh had an unusually bad day. Now you might be thinking well he has lots of bad days. Well this one was different. He was very emotional all day and wanted to go to sleep from the time he got up. He went between crying all the time to wanting to tear off all our heads and punching us. He also was not interested in playing with anything or going anywhere. Then around 7.45 he climbed into his bed that is at the end of our bed and went sound asleep. This is highly unusual because normally Josh has to be held by me or my husband and made to go to sleep. My first thought was UT oh!! We might be getting sick. As the night wore on and no fever or vomiting I got more and more relieved but worried. He woke up Sunday morning happy and wanting to go to church. Was this a depressed day? Was his body fighting something? I don't know. I hope it is not going to come again anytime soon.

I thought I knew a thing or two...

Thursdays are always tiring. We get up early for us about 7.00 a.m. Josh as usual doesn't want to get up this morning, covering his head with his blanket and asking where daddy is. Then the day starts a shower, breakfast and getting the kids ready for the day. Josh has therapy every Thursday morning in Ontario. As I was at his therapist this morning, she had mentioned that Josh was doing so much better. I agreed and told her that our transitional meeting from the rocket preschool program to kindergarten was coming up very soon. She asked what we were thinking of doing. ( Now keep in mind I am a home schooler at heart so the decision to send Josh to school has not been an easy one. Nor am I completely convinced it is the right one but nevertheless this is what we are doing at this point.) I told her that we were thinking of putting Josh in a special day class kindergarten for special needs kids. She didn't think that was a great idea because he tends to take other kids bad behaviors as his own. I then asked her if she would come to Josh's IEP meeting and she said that she would. I am still praying on this point. I just want the best for my son. I want to go visit the classes that he might be going into. The school district isn't to keen on this happening as of yet. I am not sure how much of a hissy fit I will have to throw for things to go the way I want them to. Please keep praying for my family as we really need it especially in this matter.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

I really don't know why I thought this was a funny title for this post but I did. I started off my week like any other, getting ready for the week ahead. Then out of the blue my beautiful 8 year old daughter, Hailee had one of her episodes. For those of you who do not know her, she is a funny, beautiful, amazing, joyful, loving little girl. She also has a genetic disorder called mitochondrial DNA disorder with cyclical vomiting syndrome. She was born with this condition and it took us 5 years to get an accurate diagnosis. I won't get into all the details of this disease but it can be quiet serious. She has not had a bad episode for 4 years. Sunday night she had an episode that could have been bad. God has spared her and she is fine now but the idea that it might be starting up again has really got me thinking. I think about how I have been concentrating on myself lately way to much. I think about how I need to make every day count not just get through them. As for Josh today, well he has had his ups and downs. He was very angry at Hailee earlier for no good reason and picked up a hamper to hit her with. The next moment he was in a hump on the floor crying. Then a few minutes later he was running around happy bouncing off the wall. It's only Tuesday, Lord please help me make a difference this week.

Ordinary days

When I went to church today, Pastor Greg was talking about how if you trust in God you will have an adventure like no other. That is so very true. We trusted in God to give us a child through adoption. Josh has definitely been an adventure like no other. The ups and downs are crazy sometimes but I would not trade it for anything in the world. I love God and thank him every day for my gifts from God.

Rainy days are funny like that...

Josh actually had a pretty good day today. He went to school. When I picked him up it was raining. Not the quiet simple rain but the kind of rain that soaks you from the bottom to the top. Josh was so excited that it was raining. He was jumping in puddles and letting the pounding rain fall on his face. We walked to the car and just as we were getting in his car seat, BAM, thunder and lighting. He jumped out of his skin. I was able to calm him down. After dinner we sat and read books. This was his idea, which for Josh is unusual. I mean he likes books and likes to be read to but he never really asks to be read to. We read an alphabet book together. He was excited to recognize his letter J for his name. He also recognized A and E for friends names. Little by little we are going down the yellow brick road. Rainy days are funny like that, you think it will be cold and cloudy. Maybe your kids will run around and try to take over the house. Maybe you will sit in front of the TV all day and veg. Maybe your son will bring you a book, ask you to read it and discover together that life is making a little more since.

What????

The day went fairly well today. Josh was happy and very "normal". I put normal in "" because, well it is so silly to say what is normal and what is not. Any hoot, he played and watched a movie and was generally happy. Then everyone came home and well it was craziness. He started yelling, screaming and losing it. Tantruming and throwing toys into the wall because he thought it was his turn to take a bath right there and then. He was angry because I was going to take a bath first. Wow how dare I take a bath and a few minutes to myself. Then as quick as his tantrums came on, it is gone, he is now calm and quiet, playing in his room. I feel like sometimes, it is like a tornado comes in and snatches my son away. Leaving a screaming, crying mess in return. As quick as the tornado comes, it vanishes. Sometimes the tornado leaves vast destruction, sometimes just exhaustion. I know it might seem weird to compare Josh's outburst to a tornado but until you experience one first hand then you just can not judge me.

A good day

Today so far has been a pretty good day. Josh only had 2 tantrums this morning. He ate an entire bowl of mac and cheese for lunch. Now he is playing nicely with his sister. Life is good at this moment.
Last night I went to a training meeting at the school district. This was for parents of children that have OT (occupational therapy) needs. Josh has OT every Friday at school. This meeting was interesting in that I met other moms that could be a great source of information for me. The one mom has a daughter around 8 years old. She has been dealing with some of the same challenges throughout the school district that we have. The fact that no one seems to have any idea of what is wrong with or daughter or how best to teach her. She also has had some difficulties with getting OT, or any other therapy from the district. We fought for an entire year before they agreed that Josh needed help. As a home schooler, sometimes I feel as though having him in school is not worth it. Other time though, when he comes home very happy and tells me all about his day. Those times I think, I am doing the right thing. When I was sitting there in the meeting I found myself a little bit sad. They were talking about stuff like what kindergartners need to know by the end of the school year and what kids needed to know even starting school. Did you know that by the end of the kindergarten year, kids need to be able to write a sentence? A sentence? Are you serious? My son can't even hold a pencil correctly. He doesn't know his alpahbet or numbers. How do you expect him to know how to write a sentence? I am torn as to what to do next. Do we continue our journey with the public school system and hope that they can help him? Do we put him

January 12, 2010

Here I am for the second time today. I will try and make posts every day or every few days. If you have any questions please let me know. I will try to answer them asap. Josh woke up late this morning around 8.45a.m. He was very grumpy and needy. I went into get Justin up and change his diaper. Josh came running in saying " mama I need you". This usually means that I have to hold him or he will go balistic. I finished what I was doing and held him for a few minutes. He sat on my lap sucking and empty bottle cuddling up to me as if he wanted to crawl inside. I then got up to start my day. He kept crying wanting me. I had to get Justin a banana and Hailee up and to start the day. I homeschool Hailee so she can sleep as late as she wants usually. Josh goes to a special pre-school program for kids with speech delay and other problems. He was very whiny and as usual did not want anything to eat. I gave him his Respridol. This med makes him very hungry and usually calms his mood. He then asked for a popsicle a few minutes later. Oh I forgot to mention that he also chews on everything. Ice and crunchy things helps him not to do this. He thought my neighbor was coming with him for school today. She is a very nice lady that babysits and helps me with my kids when I need her. He was very, very upset when he found out that she was not going to be joining us. I put him in his car seat to go to school and he screamed and cried. He tried to punch me but I held his hand. My neighbor calmed him down and promised to go with him on Thursday. He was then happy all the way to school and I left him with a hug and kiss. Why did I name this in the land of OZ? Well sometime I feel like dorothy, far away in another land, looking for a way to reach him.

Hello everyone

Hi everyone,
I am creating this blog for a few reasons. First to educate everyone on the effects drug use has on babies. Second to encourage those of us out there that have these precious little ones. Third to help me have a place to put down all my feelings, a place of solace, a place of help. To give some background, I have a beautiful little boy that we adopted from the county in which we live. He came to live with us at 15 months. We were told that he was a little delayed, his mom did Meth and Crack, that he lived with his birth grandmother at the time. We were so excited to add this little one to our family. We already had 2 girls at the time my oldest was 13 and my other daughter was 4. We thought this would be the perfect match for our family. What we did not know at the time was, Josh had been in 5 other placements or homes since his birth. They had almost all been family placements. Severe neglect and abuse had taken place in some of these homes. In the last home he was in he was place in a walker in front of a TV for 14 hours a day in a small dark room. He did not walk or talk much when we brought him home. He started running a week after he came home with us and talked soon after.
From the begging the very first night Josh did not sleep. He would sleep a few hours then wake up screaming or just wanting to be awake. I thought to myself well he just needs time to adjust, he will be fine after a while. However, that never changed. He never slept more than a few hours at a time. When he was awake he was very moody. He cried alot. He wouldn't eat hardly anything. He would suck on a bottle constantly all day and night if I let him. I know what you are thinking if I took the bottle away he would eat. Well I did take the bottle away during the day and he would still go days, sometimes weeks without eating. I tried everything. Finally about a year and half ago I just felt like I was losing this battle. He was getting so much worse. I might add that in the midst of all of this we adopted another baby. He was a new born. He came home with us when Josh was about 2 1/2. Josh started being very violent towards the baby. I don't want to get into to much detail as I have learned from the past some people think that you are not protecting your children and might get children's services involve. Don't worry no one was seriously hurt and Justin is a funny, bright 2 1/2 year old now. Anyways to get back to the story, Josh was having a horrible day this particular day. He had pulled down all the blinds in his room, broken pictures off the wall, punched a hole in the door, broke a hole in the wall with his head and many many more things. I called my husband in tears. Please, I said I don't know what to do, he has been awful today. My dear husband immediately called and got an appointment with a child psychologist. He started us down the road we are on today.
I could tell you all the doctors we went to and what they did but we would be here all day. I will just tell you we went from there to a neurologist, to another psychologist, to a behavioral specialist at UCI, to a behavioral specialist at UCLA. All of theme basically have said the same thing, your son was exposed to Meth and Crack prenatally. He has some signs of autism. He also has signs of early childhood bi-polar disease. Wow!!! I know this might scare some people but I was relieved. I know that sounds silly but at least I am not going crazy or I am not a bad mom. All the times when I thought that I must be doing something really wrong. He is sick, it isn't his fault and it isn't mine.
Fast forward to today. Josh is a bright, active 4 year old little boy. Looking at him you might think wow he looks so normal and he does. Deep beneath the service lies a very troubled little boy. He tantrums sometimes all day. Has violent outburst that might result in furniture being thrown across the room or walls being kicked or people being punched. I don't want you to think it is all bad, he can be loving and kind also. He can be so sweet some days it makes you almost forget about all of his problems. We made the decisions at the begging to try medication. He is on Respridol (anti-pshycotic med), Depakote (behavioral ant-seizure med) and Benedryl to help him sleep. If I was to take these meds they would knock me on my tail. With Josh, it still takes him hours to fall asleep and still sometime he wakes up after a few hours. Being the mom of Josh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that might sound crazy. He has taught me patience beyond any understanding. He has taught me not to be afraid of special needs. He has taught me not to fear mental health problems but to embrace them. Do I ever get frustrated and overwhelmed, oh yeah. Being a mom is who I am. The mom of 4 beautiful amazing children.