Thursday, January 28, 2010

I thought I knew a thing or two...

Thursdays are always tiring. We get up early for us about 7.00 a.m. Josh as usual doesn't want to get up this morning, covering his head with his blanket and asking where daddy is. Then the day starts a shower, breakfast and getting the kids ready for the day. Josh has therapy every Thursday morning in Ontario. As I was at his therapist this morning, she had mentioned that Josh was doing so much better. I agreed and told her that our transitional meeting from the rocket preschool program to kindergarten was coming up very soon. She asked what we were thinking of doing. ( Now keep in mind I am a home schooler at heart so the decision to send Josh to school has not been an easy one. Nor am I completely convinced it is the right one but nevertheless this is what we are doing at this point.) I told her that we were thinking of putting Josh in a special day class kindergarten for special needs kids. She didn't think that was a great idea because he tends to take other kids bad behaviors as his own. I then asked her if she would come to Josh's IEP meeting and she said that she would. I am still praying on this point. I just want the best for my son. I want to go visit the classes that he might be going into. The school district isn't to keen on this happening as of yet. I am not sure how much of a hissy fit I will have to throw for things to go the way I want them to. Please keep praying for my family as we really need it especially in this matter.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

I really don't know why I thought this was a funny title for this post but I did. I started off my week like any other, getting ready for the week ahead. Then out of the blue my beautiful 8 year old daughter, Hailee had one of her episodes. For those of you who do not know her, she is a funny, beautiful, amazing, joyful, loving little girl. She also has a genetic disorder called mitochondrial DNA disorder with cyclical vomiting syndrome. She was born with this condition and it took us 5 years to get an accurate diagnosis. I won't get into all the details of this disease but it can be quiet serious. She has not had a bad episode for 4 years. Sunday night she had an episode that could have been bad. God has spared her and she is fine now but the idea that it might be starting up again has really got me thinking. I think about how I have been concentrating on myself lately way to much. I think about how I need to make every day count not just get through them. As for Josh today, well he has had his ups and downs. He was very angry at Hailee earlier for no good reason and picked up a hamper to hit her with. The next moment he was in a hump on the floor crying. Then a few minutes later he was running around happy bouncing off the wall. It's only Tuesday, Lord please help me make a difference this week.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Ordinary days

When I went to church today, Pastor Greg was talking about how if you trust in God you will have an adventure like no other. That is so very true. We trusted in God to give us a child through adoption. Josh has definitely been an adventure like no other. The ups and downs are crazy sometimes but I would not trade it for anything in the world. I love God and thank him every day for my gifts from God.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Rainy days are funny like that...

Josh actually had a pretty good day today. He went to school. When I picked him up it was raining. Not the quiet simple rain but the kind of rain that soaks you from the bottom to the top. Josh was so excited that it was raining. He was jumping in puddles and letting the pounding rain fall on his face. We walked to the car and just as we were getting in his car seat, BAM, thunder and lighting. He jumped out of his skin. I was able to calm him down. After dinner we sat and read books. This was his idea, which for Josh is unusual. I mean he likes books and likes to be read to but he never really asks to be read to. We read an alphabet book together. He was excited to recognize his letter J for his name. He also recognized A and E for friends names. Little by little we are going down the yellow brick road. Rainy days are funny like that, you think it will be cold and cloudy. Maybe your kids will run around and try to take over the house. Maybe you will sit in front of the TV all day and veg. Maybe your son will bring you a book, ask you to read it and discover together that life is making a little more since.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

What????

The day went fairly well today. Josh was happy and very "normal". I put normal in "" because, well it is so silly to say what is normal and what is not. Any hoot, he played and watched a movie and was generally happy. Then everyone came home and well it was craziness. He started yelling, screaming and losing it. Tantruming and throwing toys into the wall because he thought it was his turn to take a bath right there and then. He was angry because I was going to take a bath first. Wow how dare I take a bath and a few minutes to myself. Then as quick as his tantrums came on, it is gone, he is now calm and quiet, playing in his room. I feel like sometimes, it is like a tornado comes in and snatches my son away. Leaving a screaming, crying mess in return. As quick as the tornado comes, it vanishes. Sometimes the tornado leaves vast destruction, sometimes just exhaustion. I know it might seem weird to compare Josh's outburst to a tornado but until you experience one first hand then you just can not judge me.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A good day

Today so far has been a pretty good day. Josh only had 2 tantrums this morning. He ate an entire bowl of mac and cheese for lunch. Now he is playing nicely with his sister. Life is good at this moment.
Last night I went to a training meeting at the school district. This was for parents of children that have OT (occupational therapy) needs. Josh has OT every Friday at school. This meeting was interesting in that I met other moms that could be a great source of information for me. The one mom has a daughter around 8 years old. She has been dealing with some of the same challenges throughout the school district that we have. The fact that no one seems to have any idea of what is wrong with or daughter or how best to teach her. She also has had some difficulties with getting OT, or any other therapy from the district. We fought for an entire year before they agreed that Josh needed help. As a home schooler, sometimes I feel as though having him in school is not worth it. Other time though, when he comes home very happy and tells me all about his day. Those times I think, I am doing the right thing. When I was sitting there in the meeting I found myself a little bit sad. They were talking about stuff like what kindergartners need to know by the end of the school year and what kids needed to know even starting school. Did you know that by the end of the kindergarten year, kids need to be able to write a sentence? A sentence? Are you serious? My son can't even hold a pencil correctly. He doesn't know his alpahbet or numbers. How do you expect him to know how to write a sentence? I am torn as to what to do next. Do we continue our journey with the public school system and hope that they can help him? Do we put him

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

January 12, 2010

Here I am for the second time today. I will try and make posts every day or every few days. If you have any questions please let me know. I will try to answer them asap. Josh woke up late this morning around 8.45a.m. He was very grumpy and needy. I went into get Justin up and change his diaper. Josh came running in saying " mama I need you". This usually means that I have to hold him or he will go balistic. I finished what I was doing and held him for a few minutes. He sat on my lap sucking and empty bottle cuddling up to me as if he wanted to crawl inside. I then got up to start my day. He kept crying wanting me. I had to get Justin a banana and Hailee up and to start the day. I homeschool Hailee so she can sleep as late as she wants usually. Josh goes to a special pre-school program for kids with speech delay and other problems. He was very whiny and as usual did not want anything to eat. I gave him his Respridol. This med makes him very hungry and usually calms his mood. He then asked for a popsicle a few minutes later. Oh I forgot to mention that he also chews on everything. Ice and crunchy things helps him not to do this. He thought my neighbor was coming with him for school today. She is a very nice lady that babysits and helps me with my kids when I need her. He was very, very upset when he found out that she was not going to be joining us. I put him in his car seat to go to school and he screamed and cried. He tried to punch me but I held his hand. My neighbor calmed him down and promised to go with him on Thursday. He was then happy all the way to school and I left him with a hug and kiss. Why did I name this in the land of OZ? Well sometime I feel like dorothy, far away in another land, looking for a way to reach him.

Hello everyone

Hi everyone,
I am creating this blog for a few reasons. First to educate everyone on the effects drug use has on babies. Second to encourage those of us out there that have these precious little ones. Third to help me have a place to put down all my feelings, a place of solace, a place of help. To give some background, I have a beautiful little boy that we adopted from the county in which we live. He came to live with us at 15 months. We were told that he was a little delayed, his mom did Meth and Crack, that he lived with his birth grandmother at the time. We were so excited to add this little one to our family. We already had 2 girls at the time my oldest was 13 and my other daughter was 4. We thought this would be the perfect match for our family. What we did not know at the time was, Josh had been in 5 other placements or homes since his birth. They had almost all been family placements. Severe neglect and abuse had taken place in some of these homes. In the last home he was in he was place in a walker in front of a TV for 14 hours a day in a small dark room. He did not walk or talk much when we brought him home. He started running a week after he came home with us and talked soon after.
From the begging the very first night Josh did not sleep. He would sleep a few hours then wake up screaming or just wanting to be awake. I thought to myself well he just needs time to adjust, he will be fine after a while. However, that never changed. He never slept more than a few hours at a time. When he was awake he was very moody. He cried alot. He wouldn't eat hardly anything. He would suck on a bottle constantly all day and night if I let him. I know what you are thinking if I took the bottle away he would eat. Well I did take the bottle away during the day and he would still go days, sometimes weeks without eating. I tried everything. Finally about a year and half ago I just felt like I was losing this battle. He was getting so much worse. I might add that in the midst of all of this we adopted another baby. He was a new born. He came home with us when Josh was about 2 1/2. Josh started being very violent towards the baby. I don't want to get into to much detail as I have learned from the past some people think that you are not protecting your children and might get children's services involve. Don't worry no one was seriously hurt and Justin is a funny, bright 2 1/2 year old now. Anyways to get back to the story, Josh was having a horrible day this particular day. He had pulled down all the blinds in his room, broken pictures off the wall, punched a hole in the door, broke a hole in the wall with his head and many many more things. I called my husband in tears. Please, I said I don't know what to do, he has been awful today. My dear husband immediately called and got an appointment with a child psychologist. He started us down the road we are on today.
I could tell you all the doctors we went to and what they did but we would be here all day. I will just tell you we went from there to a neurologist, to another psychologist, to a behavioral specialist at UCI, to a behavioral specialist at UCLA. All of theme basically have said the same thing, your son was exposed to Meth and Crack prenatally. He has some signs of autism. He also has signs of early childhood bi-polar disease. Wow!!! I know this might scare some people but I was relieved. I know that sounds silly but at least I am not going crazy or I am not a bad mom. All the times when I thought that I must be doing something really wrong. He is sick, it isn't his fault and it isn't mine.
Fast forward to today. Josh is a bright, active 4 year old little boy. Looking at him you might think wow he looks so normal and he does. Deep beneath the service lies a very troubled little boy. He tantrums sometimes all day. Has violent outburst that might result in furniture being thrown across the room or walls being kicked or people being punched. I don't want you to think it is all bad, he can be loving and kind also. He can be so sweet some days it makes you almost forget about all of his problems. We made the decisions at the begging to try medication. He is on Respridol (anti-pshycotic med), Depakote (behavioral ant-seizure med) and Benedryl to help him sleep. If I was to take these meds they would knock me on my tail. With Josh, it still takes him hours to fall asleep and still sometime he wakes up after a few hours. Being the mom of Josh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that might sound crazy. He has taught me patience beyond any understanding. He has taught me not to be afraid of special needs. He has taught me not to fear mental health problems but to embrace them. Do I ever get frustrated and overwhelmed, oh yeah. Being a mom is who I am. The mom of 4 beautiful amazing children.