Here we go again...

I went to a follow up at Joshua's behavioral pediatrician a couple of weeks ago. She was disagreeing with his therapist as to what his diagnosis is. She still feels very adamant that his primary diagnosis is Autism. However, his therapist as well as the regional center and his school all feel like his primary diagnosis is bipolar. We all feel that he is on the autism spectrum but that bipolar is his primary diagnosis. For this reason she dropped us as patients. She said she did not feel comfortable any longer treating us. I was thinking as the doctor was talking " I don't feel comfortable coming here any longer so good we both agree". The facts don't change just because she wants them to change. I want someone treating us that agrees to the facts of the case. I am not a mom that wants change her child's diagnosis just because I don't feel like my son has autism. I would agree with it if that was his primary diagnosis. I know that he is on the spectrum, he has bipolar and other issues. I live with this fact everyday. It just really bothers me that a parent can't question a doctor about her child without feeling like you will lose that doctors trust and respect. That just isn't right. Shouldn't we be questioning everything to do with our child. When you don't ask questions it is wrong because doctors will assume they can do whatever they want to your child and you will be a willing participant. To make a very long story even longer, now we are back to the drawing board with respect to Josh. We now have to find a psychiatrist or neurologist that will follow Josh's care and medications. This really scares me because we have been through so many. Some doctors want to put him on stimulants again, which will send him into a mental break down. Some want to try other new meds with interact with the meds he is already on. Still some will agree with his current course of treatment but then not see him because he is not 5 yet. This is all maddening and I have to do it all again. We have an appointment today with a psychiatrist, I will let you know how it goes and keep you all posted. Until then, keep praying.

In a foreign land..

Today was the day that I registered Josh for kindergarten. Now this might not seem like such a big idea to you but I home school my other kids. The idea of sending one of my kids to a public school was never something that I thought I would do. However, when we decided to send Josh to the public preschool program I got a little more comfortable with the idea. It still was very strange to be standing in line today with all the other parents waiting to register their children for school. As the lady behind the counter handed me the paper work to fill out something inside of me just broke. I felt my heart break and a feeling of failure over whelmed me. Now I am not by any means saying that sending ones child to school is in some way saying that the parent is a failure. I am just saying this is how I felt. I have always known that God has meant for me to school my children at home. This whole thing has just been very hard for me. The reason why we are sending him to school is a little complicated. To put it simply for the health and well being of all of our children he needs to be educated some place else. We go next week for his IEP kinder transition meeting at which point we will discuss what will be the best placement for him next year. I will keep all of you posted.