Thursday, February 18, 2010

Calgon Take me away...

The last couple of weeks have been really hard. Josh has been very anxious and panicky. He goes between this and being very violent and angry. Sometimes I just wish I could fix it. The problem that makes him so upset. The problem is I don't know what the problem is. Somewhere in his little brain he has a problem, an imbalance. I can;t fix that. I can pray which I do every day for wisdom. His therapist wants us to wean him off all dairy, red food die and yellow food die. This is to maybe hellp with some behaviors. I will try anything at this point before new medications are introduced. We have already tried so many. The side effects from new meds can be very hard and quiet devastating. I really hope this works because I am not sure what to do next. We have a follow up appointment at the behavioral Peditrician at UCI next month so hopefully we will see some improvement by then. If we don't then we might need to try a new med. YUCK!!! Josh also can be very loving and sweet so I don't want people to think that he is always this way. Just a lot of the time. I love him with all my heart and I would not trade being his mom for anything in the world.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sometimes it's just sad...

I know dealing with Josh on a daily basis can be exhausting, maddening and overwhelming. However sometimes it is just sad. Mike was faxed a copy of a letter from Josh's therapist office. This letter is to appeal to our insurance company to get more services for Josh. I know he is bipolar but somehow seeing it in writing mad it very real. The words "serious mental health condition" just stopped me cold in my tracks. I am not sure why that was. I mean I deal with him every day, I know what he is like. I know that he doesn't eat before 11.00 in the morning after his meds kick in. I know he likes to watch sponge bob or Tom and Jerry in the morning. I know that anything any given day can and will set him off. I guess I just keep hoping beyond all hope that he will get better. That he will stop screaming and hitting me and his siblings on a daily basis. Hope that he will learn that when I go to the next room I have not disappeared. Hope that he will someday grow up become a husband and father and that we can sit and laugh about all of this. Sometimes it is just all to sad to think about.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

So then it was Saturday...

On Saturday it started like any other day. I got to sleep in for a while thanks to my wonderful husband. Then it was off for a busy day of grocery shopping and meetings with friends. Josh stayed at home with daddy because lets face it, it is nearly impossible to get any kind of shopping done with Josh is tow. Josh had an unusually bad day. Now you might be thinking well he has lots of bad days. Well this one was different. He was very emotional all day and wanted to go to sleep from the time he got up. He went between crying all the time to wanting to tear off all our heads and punching us. He also was not interested in playing with anything or going anywhere. Then around 7.45 he climbed into his bed that is at the end of our bed and went sound asleep. This is highly unusual because normally Josh has to be held by me or my husband and made to go to sleep. My first thought was UT oh!! We might be getting sick. As the night wore on and no fever or vomiting I got more and more relieved but worried. He woke up Sunday morning happy and wanting to go to church. Was this a depressed day? Was his body fighting something? I don't know. I hope it is not going to come again anytime soon.