Today I choose...

Today is Josh's 5th birthday. Yes we did go to therapy today. Yes we did have several melt downs today. I however, choose to celebrate today and not think of what problems there are now or what lies ahead. I choose to celebrate the fact that he is alive, we are his parents and I am blessed enough to have him in my life. For today I choose to just love on him and treat him as special as he is. I love him with all my heart. Today I choose love.

Some days I wonder...

Some days I wonder why I can't get through to Josh or if I ever will. He has had a really tough couple of weeks. This past weekend was especially hard. His anxiety has reached new heights of frustration for our family. He starts out early in the morning about 7 crying and saying " my tummy hurts I want daddy". Then precedes to cry with this statement on and off all day long. He goes between this and screaming at me over and over again hour after hour. It makes me feel like a failure as a mom and very stressed that I can not help him. I try everything from cuddling him to yelling at him. Nothing works. It is not that his tummy really hurts, this is how his anxiety manifests itself. It is extremely frustrating not to be able to help him. We are trying to get into a new psychiatrist which is going very slow. I hope we can get an appointment soon I think we need to adjust his meds. I know God has a plan in all of this, I just wish I knew what it was.

Sometimes being a mom is good, sometimes not so good!!!

Being a mom of 4 is really fun some days. Some days not so much. Today is one of those days. Josh had a hard morning, then I dropped him off at school. I decided to take Hailee to the library only to find out it was closed. She was not a happy camper and decided that I needed a nine year old attitude problem the rest of the day. Things were going well this afternoon until my oldest came home and thought it was a good idea to fight and argue with her sister about who put what on the floor of their room. Does it really matter people??? Just clean up the room and no one gets hurt. I mean seriously does it really matter??? Then when I picked up Josh from school two firetrucks were in the parking lot. I initially thought they might be there for the kids to see but then quickly realized that they were there for a fire. Yes a fire. Now it did not affect Josh at all other than their whole class had to be outside all day. It was a small fire but it got me thinking. How can I protect him if I am not there with him. Now I know this is crazy thinking after all I can't always be with him 24/7. Do I really want to send him to school? That is the question I ask myself everyday. I guess I will never know. To update you all on his therapy situation, we have a new therapist. She seems to be very knowledgeable in kids that have been adopted through the county. We have only been to her once together and Josh really seemed to like her. We are still going to Jaime every other week right now. As far as the school district stuff well I have not heard anything yet. I will let you know as soon as I hear something.