Hello everyone

Hi everyone,
I am creating this blog for a few reasons. First to educate everyone on the effects drug use has on babies. Second to encourage those of us out there that have these precious little ones. Third to help me have a place to put down all my feelings, a place of solace, a place of help. To give some background, I have a beautiful little boy that we adopted from the county in which we live. He came to live with us at 15 months. We were told that he was a little delayed, his mom did Meth and Crack, that he lived with his birth grandmother at the time. We were so excited to add this little one to our family. We already had 2 girls at the time my oldest was 13 and my other daughter was 4. We thought this would be the perfect match for our family. What we did not know at the time was, Josh had been in 5 other placements or homes since his birth. They had almost all been family placements. Severe neglect and abuse had taken place in some of these homes. In the last home he was in he was place in a walker in front of a TV for 14 hours a day in a small dark room. He did not walk or talk much when we brought him home. He started running a week after he came home with us and talked soon after.
From the begging the very first night Josh did not sleep. He would sleep a few hours then wake up screaming or just wanting to be awake. I thought to myself well he just needs time to adjust, he will be fine after a while. However, that never changed. He never slept more than a few hours at a time. When he was awake he was very moody. He cried alot. He wouldn't eat hardly anything. He would suck on a bottle constantly all day and night if I let him. I know what you are thinking if I took the bottle away he would eat. Well I did take the bottle away during the day and he would still go days, sometimes weeks without eating. I tried everything. Finally about a year and half ago I just felt like I was losing this battle. He was getting so much worse. I might add that in the midst of all of this we adopted another baby. He was a new born. He came home with us when Josh was about 2 1/2. Josh started being very violent towards the baby. I don't want to get into to much detail as I have learned from the past some people think that you are not protecting your children and might get children's services involve. Don't worry no one was seriously hurt and Justin is a funny, bright 2 1/2 year old now. Anyways to get back to the story, Josh was having a horrible day this particular day. He had pulled down all the blinds in his room, broken pictures off the wall, punched a hole in the door, broke a hole in the wall with his head and many many more things. I called my husband in tears. Please, I said I don't know what to do, he has been awful today. My dear husband immediately called and got an appointment with a child psychologist. He started us down the road we are on today.
I could tell you all the doctors we went to and what they did but we would be here all day. I will just tell you we went from there to a neurologist, to another psychologist, to a behavioral specialist at UCI, to a behavioral specialist at UCLA. All of theme basically have said the same thing, your son was exposed to Meth and Crack prenatally. He has some signs of autism. He also has signs of early childhood bi-polar disease. Wow!!! I know this might scare some people but I was relieved. I know that sounds silly but at least I am not going crazy or I am not a bad mom. All the times when I thought that I must be doing something really wrong. He is sick, it isn't his fault and it isn't mine.
Fast forward to today. Josh is a bright, active 4 year old little boy. Looking at him you might think wow he looks so normal and he does. Deep beneath the service lies a very troubled little boy. He tantrums sometimes all day. Has violent outburst that might result in furniture being thrown across the room or walls being kicked or people being punched. I don't want you to think it is all bad, he can be loving and kind also. He can be so sweet some days it makes you almost forget about all of his problems. We made the decisions at the begging to try medication. He is on Respridol (anti-pshycotic med), Depakote (behavioral ant-seizure med) and Benedryl to help him sleep. If I was to take these meds they would knock me on my tail. With Josh, it still takes him hours to fall asleep and still sometime he wakes up after a few hours. Being the mom of Josh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that might sound crazy. He has taught me patience beyond any understanding. He has taught me not to be afraid of special needs. He has taught me not to fear mental health problems but to embrace them. Do I ever get frustrated and overwhelmed, oh yeah. Being a mom is who I am. The mom of 4 beautiful amazing children.